Jumble

I talked about Morning Pages the other week and am still sticking with it. So far I have managed to remember and not left it till after midnight as has happened to me when writing a paper diary.

My mind is such a jumble of thoughts and ideas. There is too much and I am tired more than I should be – so it seems to me.

I would hate to be one of those British people who complains about the weather but it is rather stuffy because of it.

When I get like this it is like the ideas in my mind are blocked as if by a force field and I just have to write my way out of the hole.

It is early afternoon and there is still enough time to go for a walk which I think I will do in a little while.

The human brain is so complex it is difficult to understand. And my own mind is the most perplexing to me. Why do I get nervous about things that should be reasons to relax? Why do I have to turn the door knob several times to make sure it is locked? Why do I feel incapable of going agaist my to-do list?

The other day at work I was having a bad day. Several people noticed it. They asked what was wrong. There is no answer. My brain is like a dripping tap. Every now and then it gets to overflowing. On that day I feel terrible. Then the water goes and I feel ok but it starts again.

I may be repeating myself a bit here but I want to get out my thoughts – even in a public place. I want to understand why I have these patterns. I don’t imagine that happening I just have to do it and try and look at it from the outside: ‘Today is a bad day – tomorrow will be better.’ That is the idea. Tomorrow never dies though and sometimes it feels like a long time coming.

**

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.