Seasons

Photo by Anthony from Pexels

Seasons are weird here in the UK. At this time of year the weather flip flops between winter and spring. We had a warmer day on Sunday 2021-02-28 and now it is back to being cold again. This time three years (I think) ago we had snow – for Wales rather a lot of snow.

I may not like rain but I rather like snow. There is something nice, I almost want to say romantic, about walking through a field of snow – even if you are walking alone. At least that is true until it starts to melt.

Photo by Braeson Holland from Pexels

When it melts we are left with a slushy mess, like the picture above, meaning we have to pick our way through the path without slipping and falling! I remember it from those three years ago my walk home took rather longer trying to find my way.

ESA & MPS for OSIRIS Team MPS/UPD/LAM/IAA/RSSD/INTA/UPM/DASP/IDA, CC BY-SA 3.0 IGO

It is beginning to sound like I need to be living in a biodome on Mars isn’t it? What would that be like? To live without seasons. To live without weather.

Photo by Egor Kamelev from Pexels

My hands crack in winter too. There is something up with the skin. And when they crack they also bleed. This is not a good sign.

I am looking forward to summer. Despite what people often say we do have a summer here. I am sure it isn’t as warm, or as long, as somewhere like California but we do have it. Sometimes it is even warm enough to go out in shorts and a t-shirt – imagine that!

I am looking forward to the coming summer and being able to enjoy some nice weather. Last summer was all in lockdown so this one will hopeful be back to something a little more normal.

I hope you are all well and happy. I will see you again soon. Have a wonderful day.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Rain

Photo by Sam Willis from Pexels

I don’t know why rain would be the first thing that comes to my mind. Oh that’s right I live in Wales. As I start to write this it has been raining a lot today. (2021-02-21) I like rain about as much as Anakin Skywalker likes sand! Yes I know it is necessary for crops and all that but do we really have to have quite so much of it! Can it not just rain at night! That wouldn’t help since I am sometimes out at work rather late!

Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas from Pexels

When you have somewhere to be rain is a big annoyance. When you don’t you can look out at the crazy weather and be in awe – just how much rain can fit in the sky – so to speak!

Is there a lesson their somewhere? While I am trudging home in the poring rain cursing the universe someone else is admiring the storm.

You can see now why I don’t try and say anything profound on these posts.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/bicycle-lane-on-gray-concrete-road-210095/

I now have a thirty minute cycle to work. My previous bike died on moving day – it was a folding bike and a metal rod, part of the mechanism, snapped. So I have bought a shiny new bike. I have called it Defiant – not just because of the USS Defiant from DS9 “Tough little ship.” but as a reminder to myself that I am doing what I need to do at the moment and never mind what others might think.

I have discovered from this first week in this new flat, at my parent’s house, that things already feel better. Having someone to talk to after a day in work is invaluable and I need that. I, apparently, don’t do well on my own and I am only just starting to understand that but I am still not sure what to do with that information.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Eyes

Photo by Bess Hamiti from Pexels

In choosing the title for this blog post I really have no idea where it is going to go. Maybe that is half the fun of it. Aside from pictures, like the one above, I don’t know that I have ever looked closely at someone’s eyes.

If we were to draw a picture of eyes I think most of us would use just a block of colour but, as you can see, they are not actually like that. There are pools of colour and different shades. I wonder what the reason for that is or is it just one of those quirks of nature that don’t have much of a meaning. I could look into it (no pun intended) but somehow I am not sure I would understand the answer.

Photo by Alex Martin from Pexels

Sometimes my eyes hurt. Maybe it is because of screens. Computer’s and mobiles are not good for the eyes. We may not think of it in in this way but we are essentially looking at light for most of the day. I keep telling myself I am going to shut down my devices and have less screen time before bed. It never happens! Why is it so hard to drag ourselves away. It is not like the thing we are doing won’t be there for us the next day.

I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile. Your life as it has been is over. From this time forward, you will service us.

Locutus (Star Trek: The Next Generation The Best of Both Words)

We are not the Borg the devices are not in our heads. (Somehow I want to say ‘Yet’ at this juncture.)We can walk away from the technology and do something else – but it is difficult. We can scroll for ever.

Photo by Adrianna Calvo from Pexels

A better alternative would be to read a book. Even that feels like a challenge. Do you get moments like that? You feel too tired to do something of substance but not tired enough to sleep.

Maybe it is a training thing. To develop better habits we have to, in the beginning, force ourselves to be better before it later becomes second nature to us.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/path-railroad-rails-straight-1425/

As I alluded to last time change is coming. I am moving further away from where I work this will mean a longer commute. The plus side of it is more exercise and reading time.

Photo by Life Of Pix from Pexels

She is going to read when she gets on the train – there is a small book in that bag!

A longer commute is a pain but reading time is never a bad thing! Now though it is time to talk about why I am moving and where I am going.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/brown-bear-leaning-on-bed-headboard-832999/

I am moving into a studio flat at my parent’s house. Basically they have converted the garage – it was already a room, with a toilet and sink, but now it will be a studio flat. I have lived alone for a long time and I have been finding it difficult for a while. Technically I will be still living alone but I will have family close at hand should I need it.

Part of me feels weird about doing this. It feels like a step backwards. On the other hand it may also be exactly what I need. In some ways I am not well – I may not have a diagnosis or piece of paper to prove that but I feel it – the anxiety and the spiral of hopelessness. For now this is what I need to do to be happier in life so this is what I am going to do. It is my hope that in time I will start to feel better again – it has been a long time since I felt completely ‘normal’.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Judgement

When you’re in school there is this idea of keeping up appearances. And I am not talking about Mrs Bucket. I only have this from a male perspective but I am sure women experienced something similar. It is the idea that there are some things you are supposed to like and falling out side of that can make you feel ostracised.

Photo by Magda Ehlers from Pexels

Then into adulthood nobody cares. Mostly nobody cares – there is always someone. If you are introverted and you say you want spend your evening reading, sitting alone with a film, or playing Mario Kart someone will probably ask why you never want to have fun. The funny thing is I would look very silly if I said that to someone saying they were going to a party!

Photo by Maurício Mascaro from Pexels

However being introverted, I am declaring myself that, doesn’t mean I dislike all integrations. If it is a group talking about something I like it can be great fun.

Photo by Andrew Neel from Pexels

I do judge myself though. I fall into the same pattern every weekend. For my purposes a weekend is Sunday and Monday. I end up doing the same stuff and coming to the end of Monday feeling like I didn’t do enough. I also feel tired a lot of the time.

I am not saying this stuff to garner sympathy or anything. This blog is the public diary, for want of a better phrase, and what would a diary be without personal thoughts?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

The popular definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I must be a text book case of this. Self diagnosis is not the best is it?

This blog post has been (and will be) written over several days and mostly in short bursts. On today (2021-02-02) only this and the next paragraph will be written.

I have just spent an hour dealing with emails – I planned to spend at most 15 minutes – so why an hour? Because clearing emails is a job that can’t be done in one sitting so I come up with a way to say ‘That is enough.’ and clearly that way is stupid!

I have the bad habit of liking the plan because it is the plan and sticking with it even beyond the point of it proving ineffective!

These two paragraphs were written on the 3rd and thus the plan continues. Short bursts. I have said it before that I am doing this and that is the problem I am facing – I go around and around in circles and never seem to figure it out. I am 34 this year I should have figured this out by now.

Photo by Magda Ehlers from Pexels

Maybe there are some things we never figure out in life. One of the things I am discovering to be difficult is to manage on my own.

Photo by Christian Domingues from Pexels

In an ideal world I would get a dog. We don’t live in an ideal world. It would be unfair to expect a dog to be okay alone for 11 (ish) hours a day five days a week. However, without being too hyperbolic, I think having a dog would help me. On those days when getting up is difficult a dog would give me a reason to – and walking the dog in the park feels, somehow, better than just going for a walk by myself.

I remember a video from a while back of a woman and her dog. She was distressed and hitting herself but the dog was there to help. It stopped her, trying to move her hand aside, and find a way to comfort her. Dog seem to have unending compassion for their pack – and with humans we are the head of the pack. One day I hope to go to an animal shelter and see which of the dogs reacts to me – as my mother said ‘Let the dog adopt me.’

One day is a horrible phrase there is a suggestion in it that what we want may never happen.

And I come to the conclusion. There is a change in my life coming. It is one that I hope will make me feel better – less anxious – less lonely – and less depressed – but despite all I believe about judgment and allowing each individual to make their choices I find I cannot commit to tell you here. Maybe next time.

Be safe and be well.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

I Just Lost Thirty Minutes

As you know (a term a writer should never use) I like to keep track of what I am doing in a day. The idea is that I can look back at the end of the day (or week) and see where the time goes. Sometimes though when I switch between task I end up losing some time. And I don’t always know where that time went. I suppose I could add a category called ‘Procrastination’ to my list but that would be over the top even for me.

I think what happened was that I found something I didn’t feel like doing – then rather than just doing it I procrastinated till coming here to write this out. And the thing I was procrastinating about could have been done in that procrastination window!

Photo by Elina Krima from Pexels

“Are you my mummy?”

If you don’t know Doctor Who that is going to look weird! Also that episode came out more that 15 years ago! How time flies! (Another cliché a writer shouldn’t use!)

I am on the last day of my week of self-isolation. I have only left the boundaries of my flat to get a food delivery and that is it – and I haven’t even gone into the garden for some reason! So how has it been?

Not bad. I am rather introverted so staying indoors and not having to talk to anyone isn’t an issue for me – actually I rather like it. However I have not been as productive as I would have liked. Whenever I get a change in my situation it always takes time for me to get into the new swing of things – the full lockdown took even longer – and now after this week I feel today is probably going to be the one where I get it right. (The lost 30 minutes notwithstanding.)

Tomorrow though I am back to work. And that ‘routine’ should be easy to slip back into.

I daresay I have eaten too much this week. I had a Chinese takeaway the other day. A friend posted a picture of theirs and it looked so good I just needed one – and hay I am self-isolating so I can have one! It is not like I am truly breaking my own rules about takeaways! Okay so I am! I will have had more than I said I was going to do this month but it is a special situation. (I know the age old cry of the fat man!)

What was stupid though was the sandwich I bought. I had to have it delivered and it cost a silly amount. And I don’t know why I didn’t just pay for delivery of my regular weekly shop! It makes no sense. I then spend more at a supermarket that offers free delivery because they have a minimum order of £35. The long and short of it is I could have placed a small supermarket order, paid for delivery, and still payed about the same as the sandwich. So yeah that was stupid but oh well.

The Chinese meal was lovely. What wasn’t lovely was that it arrived 30 minutes late. But the customer support on the delivery app was excellent. I used the chat function and they contacted the restaurant – that was amazing since I don’t like phones at all.

All in all it was a good week. I would even say it was fun. I wish I was more disciplined, and sensible, but that is always a struggle (especially where food is concerned) but I did do 30 productive (ish) hours so I am putting it in the win column.

I hope you are safe and well and coping in these hard times.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Here We Go

Had to Share This

On the 6th of January 2021 the United States congress was attacked. You don’t need me to tell you the full details but here is a link: 2021 Storming of the United States Capitol . Even just thinking about this makes me sad, worried, and deeply troubled.

I make no claims to have anything of importance to say of this incident – however it seems to me that I couldn’t let an event like this go by without comment. I wish I could say this was unbelievable but seeing the tensions and Trump’s refusal to concede the election I am not surprised that things got violent – and the fact that Trump bares some of the responsibility is especially worrying.

Nobody likes to lose but when it happens we have to congratulate the winner and move on. That is what has happened in every other US election. When Clinton lost:

Even I Didn’t Listen to All of It.

I do not know anything about Hillary Clinton’s policies, that’s not the point, the point I want to make here is how to lose with dignity. I am a left leaning person so I wanted Trump to lose – but he had to lose in a democratic election – and he has – the fact that he won’t admit that is very sad.

If Trump had won a second term that would have been a disaster. If you disagree with that assesment then politics is not something.

I hope that the United States makes it through this with no further violence – and that they can learn from the mistakes of this administration and ensure that no one like Trump can ever be elected President again.

Perfect Metaphor!

Here in the UK Brexit is continuing to be something of a disaster – (And I am experiencing some schadenfreude) – as people are acting surprised now that the inevitable is happening. Also the Tory party seem not to want to feed needy children. (That is probably an oversimplification but there it is.)

So far 2021 feels like 2020 part 2!

Meanwhile I am self-isolating for the next few days.

I hope that you are doing well and are happy and healthy.

See you again soon.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

2021

Photo by Sebastian Hietsch from Pexels

The new year starts tomorrow. I am sure we are all wondering what it has in store. We say this kind of thing each and every year but doesn’t it have more of a punch this year?

It goes without saying that 2020 has been a hell of a year…

Is it just me or does this fit a little too well?

From fire, to flood, to the virus, so much has happened and that isn’t even getting into the political side of things. Should I get into the political side of things?

Well Brexit seems to be just as much of a clusterfuck as those of us who voted remain thought it would be. At least it means we can say: ‘I told you so!’

Meanwhile in the US the president acted like a baby and was unable to accept defeat with any dignity. A part of me likes the idea of him never conceding – then we can watch him be dragged kicking and screaming from the White House.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/ball-shaped-circle-close-up-dark-414860/

Looking ahead it is difficult to know how 2021 will unfold. Masks and other protective measures are undoubtedly going to be part of reality for some time to come. And any idea of a return to the way things were is still a faint dream.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/air-force-army-cadets-ceremony-270024/

Also we might wish to think about the possibility of what might be better. It is a strange thought but have we learnt anything from the pandemic? Maybe. Although humans aren’t very good at learning from their mistakes or from their experiences or at all!

My forlorn hope is that we will at least learn to appreciate our keyworkers. Even that seems doubtful – sure there was the clapping for the NHS during furlough but aren’t we back where we were? Aren’t those same people undervalued again? Shouldn’t serious consideration be given to pay rises and some sign that we now recognise that the NHS and supermarket workers are the most vital people in our society? I have no answers this is just food for thought.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/pencil-on-white-smartcase-near-eyeglasses-163185/

Now is usually the time when the word ‘resolutions’ rears its ugly head. Honestly what is the point? I don’t mean that in a defeatist way but we all know that most of us don’t keep resolutions. I don’t think I made any last year and if I did I certainly didn’t keep them. Still the new year is here and I feel like some statement should be made of what I want.

Better than yesterday. That is all. I want to have more good days than bad. I want to reach the end of 2021 and be able to point to something that happened – even if it is just one small thing – and say ‘I did that’. I don’t know what that might be at this moment. If 2021 can simply be a better year than this one that will be sufficient. And we always hope for that don’t we?

I hope you are well. Have a fabulous time if you are celebrating on New Year’s Eve and see you soon.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

The Many Christmases (A Story)

Photo by Irina Iriser from Pexels

No one has any money any more. And we all ran out of ideas for presents on day 12. Not that we have a lot of options here. The only place open in the village is Mr Sandhu’s little shop and space invaders and other confectionery don’t make for good presents. Heck on day nine mum got me a tin of beans – and they weren’t even Heinz! I know a present is a present but still. Damn You, Wizard.

We can’t even go for a walk any more because the snowman has brought so much snow! I can barely get the door open. I could technically get out of the house but I wouldn’t even be able to find it again.

Even Santa Clause has been reduced to just one Ho. Christmas Eve he was his usual self. “Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas.” Now it is just: “Ho. Christmas.”

He has lost so much weight too travelling around the world every day. And he is malnourished. He’s forced to subsist on mince pies, which at this point contain as much sawdust as they do flour, also sherry, and a small bite of a carrot. He and his reindeer are going to die if this goes on much longer.

Damn you, Wizard.

The kids singing goes on day and night and I don’t have any ear plugs. There was a massive clatter last night as the band collapsed from exhaustion – for the umpteenth time!

Oh I wish it could be Christmas once a year. So the kids stop singing and the band can get some sleep.

Let the bells stop ringing so I can hear myself think! I am going mad and about ready to beat myself over the head with a turkey leg! Last time I had the wish bone I wished for the sweet release of death!

Why don’t I give my love for Christmas? Because it won’t stop! I have rocked around the tree too many times – although tree is a bit generous since it is just a twig now – and if I hear the word merry once more I think I am going to scream.

Photo by Olenka Sergienko from Pexels

I hope you all have a happy time no matter what you you are celebrating. And may the coming year be better than this one. Although it would take a lot for it to be worse wouldn’t it?

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

So Much to Know

Photo by David McEachan from Pexels

Sometimes when writing I find myself having to stop every few words to google something and that really doesn’t help with progress of the story. Also Google can only get you so far – there are some questions that can’t be answered so easily.

Captain, the most elementary and valuable statement in science, the beginning of wisdom, is, “I do not know”.

Mr Data (Star Trek: The Next Generation) Where Silence Has Lease

And not just science. Lack of understanding is also a problem. I wouldn’t say I was stupid but everyone has things they do not understand and since we are getting into some difficult topics you may want to stop reading now.

Photo by Rikki Matsumoto from Pexels

I chose a mosque for the picture at the top owing to the direction one of my characters is going in. My character’s name is Tina. Her father is white British and her mother is Pakistani British.

Tina’s ethnicity has no baring on the plot. She could be from anywhere and very little would have to change. I have set the story in Cardiff, because that is where I happen to live, but other than her living in Cardiff anything else is possible.

Nevertheless it can’t be denied that her experience of Cardiff will be different from my own. In order to make her a believable character I need to ask important questions about religion. And the big question is: Does she believe in God?

I do not believe in God. If I decide that she does how do I write that?

I am going to try and discuss this with sensitivity and I apologies ahead of time if I mess up.

I can research Islam and start to build a character but real life is more complicated.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/hands-people-woman-girl-41942/

Humans are diverse and that is true of every area. My grandmother was English and she liked tea. Whenever we would go to an adventure park…

(I can’t think of better collective noun. Places like gardens, museums, model railways, and so on. Basically I am talking about any place a family might go on a school holiday. I remember we went to a park in Cornwall, for example, that had sculptures of famous world landmarks.)

…her first priority was to go to the tearooms. In short she was the epitome of what might be expected from an English person. Of course not everyone in England, or the UK, likes tea.

By the same token not everyone of a particular religious faith follows every aspect of that faith. I have know some religious people who are very strict in some areas but in others they are not.

I do not mean this in a critical way and I don’t want to get into a ‘No true Scotsman’ argument here. And since religion is a topic that is difficult I am going to use a Star Trek metaphor.

Photo by Philippe Donn from Pexels

Star Trek: The Animated Series presents an interesting case study. Like religion Star Trek has its canon. And The Animated Series has a question mark over its status. Some say it is all canon, some say none of it is, and some…(this is the interesting part – almost worth waiting for)…say it is non-cannon apart from the episode Yesteryear. And Yesteryear has a mistake – it depicts Vulcan with a moon.

If you asked a large group of Star Trek fans about this you would get a variety of answers – of course the most likely response is: ‘Who are you? How did you get in here? And why are you asking irrelevant questions at three o’clock in the morning?’

I may also be zeroing in on why I am single. What is really going to bake your noodle later on is am I single because of my extensive Star Trek knowledge or have I developed this knowledge because of being single.

I don’t want to look under that rock.

The point is there isn’t one type of Star Trek fan and there isn’t one type of follower for a particular religion. On the surface this might sound good because, no matter what I do, I can’t be wrong.

Or can I?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

‘Wrong’ is highly subjective. And I think the only solution to any writing is to write the damn story – part of the problem is not wanting to cause offence.

In writing there is this idea of ‘sensitivity readers’ which is a reader from a particular background who reads a story and offers pointers in making it more believable and, to put it bluntly, tells the writer where they might have fucked up.

Fucking up is so easy.

Back to metaphor.

Photo by Martin Petras from Pexels

The Big Bang Theory uses many references to Star Trek. However I, as a trekkie, sometimes notice things that don’t make sense – such as Howard’s apparent ignorance of a Romulan warbird – one of the most iconic star ships in TNG.

For my closing thoughts I will leave you with this. Religion is a broad church, no pun indented, and writing a character who is religious is not easy. They can come off as a stereotype if they are too strict and if they are too relaxed it might look like they are being made acceptable to a western audience. Chakotay, on Star Trek Voyager, is one of the worst examples of this. Rather than the writers picking a tribe and sticking with it Chakotay ends up being a hodgepodge of stereotypes.

For now I am just going to write the damn story and deal with all this later – although I will think about it quite loudly.

See you next time.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

It’s Been a Long Time

Sorry to inflict this on you

It has been a while since I last posted but this is 2020 – time has no meaning. Can you believe we’re over halfway through November?

This song seemed appropriate given the nature of this year.

I started Nanowrimo off fairly strongly but am now behind. I am only behind by 359 words so I should be back on track in a few days. The amount by which I am behind is shrinking each day.

Overall I would say I am enjoying the process. The writing has stalled now and then, and I have jumped around in a non-liner fashion, but I am at lease enjoying the process – which is, I think, the point of the exercise. Some of it maybe awful but awful can be edited – a blank page cannot.

I hope you are all doing well and I will see you soon.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized