It Has Been a Long Time…

Sorry about the title – I hope it hasn’t started you singing – unless you like that song – I actually don’t mind it. I am rambling now. You don’t know what I am talking about do you?

In 2001 Enterprise (later Star Trek: Enterprise) was first broadcast. It was rather a shock to some that it had a theme song – and the song began in the way of the title of this post – which has nothing to do with anything it has just been a long time since I have posted here.

I cannot tell you that I have been working on some great project. I have simply been trying to live and deal with the demons in my head. Is that too much hyperbole? It might be. Sometimes I wish they were actual demons at least then I could learn martial arts and beat them up – maybe.

This post is going into strange places.

One thing I have done is create a shinny new spreadsheet! I know. I know. Some people create beautiful art.

Can I make a spreadsheet exciting to you? Probably not, but it is what is on my mind.

The spreadsheet is for tracking what I am doing day-to-day. I have tried various apps and so many different ways it has driven me crazy but doing it myself might actually work.

Productivity is something I have always struggled with. If I am doing one thing I am worried I am not doing another thing. Isn’t that kind of crazy?

For me the key to being productive is to engineer the feeling of achievement. Having a spreadsheet tell me that the job is done is as good a way as any. And a spreadsheet doesn’t have notifications all the time.

How do you get your stuff done?

My parents have said that me having this issue is good. Why? Because it means that there are things I want. There are things I can strive for and that is always a good thing. (Even if starting is so much easier than finishing)

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

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Birds

Wales is known for its rain. It was raining when I started writing this post. Now it is a bright morning and aside from a siren in the distance, and the hum of the computer, it is quiet.

When I come to write these posts I want them to be accurate. You as the reader do not get to see when I wrote them. I could be writing this from years ago – nevertheless I like it to be true. So I started writing this when it was raining and now it is not so I have changed the tense.

Now I am in my kitchen area. I am by a window blocked by a tree. The kitchen may seem like an odd place to be to write but here I can stand to write and I prefer that to being seated.

Before, when the day was overcast, and raining, there was a good thing about it. I could have the curtains open when I chose to sit to use my computer at the dining table. On a bright day the sun renders the screen unusable.

The window looks out at the bird table. Unfortunately when it is raining the birds don’t seem to want to be out any more than humans do.

The bird table seems to have become very popular. When I was first writing this there were six of them. Now there is one – I guess that undermines my statement about the birds not liking the rain.

Photo by Joseph Yu from Pexels

As the birds eat they drop some of the seeds. This attracts other animals we have had a squirrel, a hedgehog, and a rat. The squirrels chase each other – although when we had cats the squirrels used to chase them. Apparently the cats didn’t understand there place in the food chain – not that I was wishing to see the cats eat one.

This post started in a different place to where it is now.

There is something special about watching birds fly back and forth from the seed perches. Perhaps it is the random nature of their movements that I like.

That is an odd thing for me to say as I do not like random stuff. I follow my to do list so strictly that I get stressed out when I don’t manage to do stuff that only I care if it is, or isn’t, done! So maybe there is a lesson in that somewhere. What do I know I am just… well me… I didn’t have an end for that sentence.

I’ll be back some time in the future for another Star Trek review. In the meantime have a wonderful day, week, month, year (?) – yeah probably not that last one.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

To help with the quotes used in this review I used: http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/

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The Conscience of the King (TOS) (Review)

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The episode starts with a dagger being dramatically raised. Kirk is watching a production of Macbeth. Star Trek references Shakespeare on many occasions – and here is where it started. I have a complicated relationship with Shakespeare – I really want to like his plays but half the the time I understand where Blackadder was coming from when he decks the bard!

Maybe I am just an uncultured so-and-so.

Captain Kirk is watching the play with Dr Thomas Leighton. Leighton is convinced that the man playing Macbeth, Anton Karidian, is Kodos the Executioner. We have no context for who that is but we have a possible secret identify and with this, and a name like Kodos the Executioner, the episode demands to be watched.

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After the credits we learn that Leighton has a disfigurement. Half his face is covered in what looks to be a stiff fabric. I am unclear what it is supposed to be. My guess is it is some sort of bandage or reconstructive surgery – this is a 1960s show it isn’t going to look perfect. Kodos is implied to have done this to him.

Here is the summery from Memory Alpha:

Kodos is notorious because he seized control of the doomed Earth Colony Tarsus IV in 2246 and ordered the execution of half its population of 8,000. Of the 4,000 survivors, only nine, including the young Kirk and Leighton, ever saw the face of the revolutionary governor.

Here is where we get into a bit of problem. Kirk is able to compare Kodos to Karidian via photograph. The whole plot hinges on so few people being able to identify him but this scene shows that anyone could do it. I am willing to overlook this though. The rest of the episode is well done and little plot holes are understandable. That said the plot could have been adjusted to them being witness and not corroborating identity. These days we would talk about DNA too but that kind of testing wasn’t around in the 1960s. (At least that is what I can glean from a 30 second Googling!)

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Kirk attends a cocktail party at Leighton’s home and we meet Anton Karidian’s daughter, Lenore, who is named after a fabric softener for some reason.

Kirk talks to her because…well he is Kirk… but also he wishes to use her to learn about her father. The two of them go for a walk, almost kiss, and discover a dead body. These are all normal events in the life of Captain Kirk.

The body is that of Leighton. This begins to convince Kirk, and Leighton’s wife, that there might be something to his suspicions.

Kirk arranges for the Astral Queen to not pick up the Karidian players. This has the effect he hoped for – it manoeuvres Lenore into requesting a lift which Kirk grants.

Meanwhile Kirk discovers out that Lieutenant Kevin Riley was also one of the people able to identify Kodos. Kirk has Riley sent back to engineering. This is apparently a demotion. Kirk’s reasoning seems to be that if Riley is on the lower decks he is safe from Karidian (Kodos).

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Spock begins to have suspicions and so goes to see McCoy. This may not be the best idea. McCoy is drinking in sickbay – it is possibly the middle of the day and he might be on duty. Spock doesn’t say anything about it. There is also a weird line in this scene referring to Vulcan having been conquered – it is an evolving show so who can say – but McCoy could also be drunk and Spock doesn’t care enough to correct him.

More weird 1960s references to women comes into play when McCoy refers to Lenore as ‘a pretty exciting creature’ – Spock dismisses Lenore as the cause of Kirk’s odd behaviour. And Spock is right. Kirk would not risk his command for something that trivial.

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Meanwhile Kirk is with Lenore on the observation deck to share some weird dialogue.

Worlds may change, galaxies disintegrate, but a woman always remains a woman.

Captain Kirk (Star Trek: The Original Series – The Conscience of the King)

Lenore also compares the power of the Enterprise to Kirk himself – since she uses the word throbbing in that qustion I would rather not think about it.

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Someone attempts to poison Riley. Fortunately he was listing to Uhura sing over the com so he is rushed to sickbay. Spock and McCoy go to confront Kirk about Kodos.

I don’t like anyone meddling in my private affairs, not even my second in command.

Captain Kirk (Star Trek: The Original Series: The Conscious of the King)

What I like about this scene is that McCoy comes to Spock’s defence. The trio is what makes TOS work. Spock is logical, McCoy is emotional and Kirk has to find his way between the two extremes.

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An awkward scene break and it is just Spock and Kirk. They hear the low hum of a phaser on overload. They find it behind the plastic of the red alert light. Kirk sends it down a disposal shoot, the ship shakes, but no serious damage is sustained.

Enough is enough for Kirk. He goes to confront Koridian to make absolutely certain that he is Kodos. He takes with him a copy of the speech Kodos gave before the executions.

The revolution is successful, but survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. (stops looking at the paper) Your lives means slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered. Signed, Kodos, governor of Tarsus Four.

Koridian (Kodos) (Star Trek: The original Series: The Conscious of the King)

Koridian hardly glancing at the paper convinces Kirk he is Kodos.

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So we come to the final curtain. Please forgive the cliché but in this case there is a literal curtain. The performance is going ahead.

Meanwhile McCoy shows us why dictating a log might not be the best idea. He mentions Kodos within earshot of Riley – who takes a phaser and heads for the theatre.

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Kirk convinces Riley to return to the sickbay. What is strange about this ending is that there still seems to be doubt whether or not Kordian is Kodos – even though we saw photographic evidence at the start of the show and Spock said as much – frankly if Spock is certain that is surely good enough for an arrest.

And here we get the big reveal. It isn’t Koridian who has been killing the nine witnesses but Lenore. She grabs a phaser from one of the guards and fires at Kirk. Koridian gets in the way and she kills him instead.

We can argue stun settings but Koridian may have had a heart condition for all we know. I have been watching Bones lately and one thing that comes up again and again is how easy death can happen – even if a weapon is supposed to be non-lethal.

One final quote from Hamlet, curtesy of Lenore over her father’s body, and we get to the end of the episode.

Lenore remembers nothing and is institutionalised. Kirk refuses to answer the question of whether or not he really cared for her.

The Enterprise heads off for its next assignment.

This is one of the best episodes of the original series. As mentioned the plot does have a bit of a hole in it but that is a small quibble as the rest of it is so well done. We get a good look into Kirk’s character as he tries to balance his need for vengeance and his need for justice.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

To help with the quotes used in this review I used: http://www.chakoteya.net/StarTrek/

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Indestructible

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Few things in this world are considered indestructible – that includes this world. Only two things come to mind as indestructible – Captain Scarlet and the above phone.

The Nokia 3310 was legendary. By today’s standards this phone cannot do much but its durablity cannot be argued with.

Like everyone else I now have a smart phone. I dropped mine a couple of weeks back. Instantly the touch screen wasn’t working – then a purple something started to spread across it and by the next morning the screen was completely blank.

Meanwhile the 3310 can still function from being dropped from 300 meters up! A distance that would never happen!

Phones these days are shinny and slippery – they look nice but they are so easily dropped. I have got a new phone now with a robust case. As I said when I got it: “I want this thing to withstand a direct hit from a photon torpedo.”

I sound like an old curmudgeon with writing this don’t I?

Apropos of nothing at all here is something I found that made me laugh. I hope it will make you laugh too.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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The Menagerie (Part 2) Review

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Overall this is a satisfying conclusion to the story. It is enjoyable and intriguing but is not without its problems. Let me show you what I mean.

Number One: Recap

The recap is handled via a Captain’s log. I like this style and feel it works better than the style used in later iterations. Not only do we get the recap but we also get an insight into Kirk’s thoughts on the situation. It works very well.

Number Two: Clunky Exposition

Because of the need to include the clips, and set up for them, it can feel a bit over done. There are points in the episode where Spock is asked a direct question but he will only say they need to watch the transmission. Things would be simpler if he just explained – but that would gut the mystery. I understand fiction has rules and it can’t always follow logic – which I am sure annoys Spock to no end.

Number Three: The Telosians

In his cell Pike meets with the Telosians. The alien makeup is wonderfully done and the voice without lip movements gives them a very alien quality.

The Telosians analyse Pike and speak of an experiment a good hook for the audience. Aliens experimenting on us is probably one of the most basic of science devices. Here though not only do we wish to know what the experiment is but also why Spock would wish to bring pike back to these people.

Number Four: The Crew that Never Was

We cut to a briefing room scene as the senior staff discuss the problem. Despite the fact that there are two free chairs Colt chooses to stand – maybe enlisted folk don’t get chairs.

Spock is quite different in these scenes. He speaks in a more colloquially style and clearly has emotions – I am not going to attempt an explanation as to why that would be. This is before the character was pinned down in to what we all know today – I am a stickler for continuity but even I am not bothered by every little change or thing that doesn’t quite make sense.

Doctor Boyce comes across a fatherly type. In another reality, where this cast remained, he would probably have been the mentor and the one who has seen it all.

Lieutenant Tyler is the young hot-headed officer. He advocates for using the ship’s power to rescue Pike. Although this is ultimately the plan that is gone with it is telling about his character that he cuts straight to the idea that action must be taken.

Number One is the ship’s executive officer. I like this character. She clearly has the respect of the crew and makes the necessary decision quickly. Up until Discovery, which I haven’t seen, this was her only appearance and it would have been so interesting to see where she went as a character. It should be noted that much of her demeanour was transferred to Mr Spock.

Number Five: The First Illusion

Pike faces off against a Kalar. This illusion comes from his memories of a mission from two weeks prior. Only this time he has Vina to protect.

I appreciate the continuity shown in this episode – or rather the continuity shown in The Cage. Despite being written as a pilot the crew have been on other missions and have a history together.

Naturally Pike defeats the Kalar and he and Vina end up back in his cell – where she immediately embraces him.

Number Six: Any Woman You Ever Imagined

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Vina seems to want Pike to believe that she isn’t real – that she is just an another illusion. Pike is naturally only interested in finding a way out of the cell and the limitations of the Telosian abilities.

Vina explains that war made the surface of their world barren, they came underground and developed their mental abilities – so Pike, and the other specimens, are there for entertainment. The Telosians create an illusion and they watch his reaction.

A similar idea was put forward in the Stargate SG-1 episode:

I mean, imagine if you were locked in a room for a thousand years with only a VCR, a TV and five movies. How long could you watch those five movies until you were bored silly? What you wouldn’t give for just four more.

Daniel Jackson: (Stargate SG-1: The Game Keeper)

There is more to it than that though. The Telosians want more humans – so the question becomes where are they going to get, in the words of the episode, an Earth woman?

Number Seven: Big Space Gun

Where would science fiction be without a big gun? They do seem to show up all the time. Well in this instance the landing party attempts to blast through the door to the underground environment. They are unsuccessful. As Doctor Boyce reiterates they can’t be sure of anything on this world.

Number Eight: Dinner Time

The Telosians feed Pike. The “food” is a liquid but can appear as any food. I have seen this idea elsewhere in science fiction and have always rather liked it. How great would it be to have nourishing food but feel as though you are eating something fried and crispy. (He said making Homer Simpson noises)

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Pike is not inclined to be co-operative. When he suggests starving as an alternative the Telosian creates a hellish environment to punish him. The scene does give important information about the limitations of the Telosians – they can’t, for example, put irresistible hunger into a person’s mind.

Number Nine: Two Conversations in One

Pike and the Keeper have a conversation – to be more accurate they talk to each other about separate things which eventually becomes one.

Pike wants to find weaknesses in the Telosians and the Telosian want him to be attracted to Vina. The upshot of the scene is that Pike discovers that primitive thoughts put up a block that can’t be read and the keeper is pleased that Pike seems to be starting to show sighs of affection for Vina – suggesting that he should be the one punished as he is the one not co-operating.

Number Ten: In the Park

For the next illusion Pike and Vina are in a park – probably somewhere on Earth. We get more of the tragic background of Vina. She has been alone on this world for 18 years. She has tried to block out the Telosians with primitive emotions but has found she can’t keep it up for long. They have, in someways, broken her. ‘They own me.’ she says.

I do not think the Telosians are evil. They are doing all that they are doing to help their race and for Vina I think they have tried to make life comfortable for her – of course the desperation of the species doesn’t excuse the tourture.

Number Eleven: She’s…she’s green.

If there is one scene that is most famous from this episode, and maybe Star Trek as a whole, it is this one. The Green Orion slave girl. As described by Mendez no human male can resist them. (Apparently gay women are immune and gay men are susceptible. I know 60s gunna 60s.)

The purpose of this illusion is that it is something Pike could never have. As a Starfleet officer (No Starfleet yet but for simplicity I will say it.) he has to be proper and respectable – this is presented as the opposite of that.

Two things that come to mind though. Firstly Pike did take about having a life like this at the beginning and two one of the men watching with him is in a Starfleet uniform so doesn’t that make for a contradiction.

Incidentally the music in this scene is very effective.

Pike can’t take his eyes off Vina. As Kirk observes he is starting to weaken.

Number Twelve: THE WOMEN!

A landing party prepares to beam down but as Spock dramatically says only Yeoman Colt and Number One end up beaming down. The good news is they brought guns. The bad news is they don’t seem to work.

Number Thirteen: A Computer

Number One and Colt are there to provide Pike with a choice of mates. VIna is not impressed with either of them. She calls Colt stupid, in so many words, and compares Number One to a computer. Given that Majel Barret would go on to voice the computer it is a wonderfully ironic line.

Number Fourteen: Colt is Horny and Number One is Intelligent

Sorry to be so blunt but that is essentially what the Keeper says. Which shows how horrible it would be to be in the presence of a telepath!

Number Fifteen: Misshapen Heads

Given the anti-racism message of Star Trek hearing racist words spoken by one of our heroes is not easy. However I don’t think that Pike actually harbours racist thoughts. It is a tactic in order to block out the telepathy.

Number Sixteen: The Truth

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It is night time in the cell. A door opens at the back and a Telosian comes through to try and take the guns. However if the guns were useless why would they care?

Pike wraps his hands around the neck of the Telosian – they quickly transform into a… creature of some sort… trying to scare Pike and the others. Pike has had enough at this point and knows what he is seeing isn’t real. The Telosian stops the illusion – but threatens to destroy the Enterprise.

Surrender your weapons, or die where you stand!
Oh, if I had a nickel.

Garan & O’Neill (Stargate SG-1: It’s Good to be King)

Yes the Enterprise is always under threat of being destroyed – and taken over – by advanced aliens, conmen, robots, children and hippies!

Yeah I love this show but it is so silly at times.

Pike gambles that the Telosians won’t kill the crew of the Enterprise and figures out that the guns do work and them not working was another illusion.

Number Seventeen: Guilty

This is what I was talking about before – the images suddenly stop. While they are stopped Spock is found guilty of the crimes of which he is accused.

Number Eighteen: On the Surface

Pike, Number One, Colt and Vina emerge onto the surface of the planet. They immediately see that the big space gun did indeed blast through.

Pike agrees to stay with Vina but Number One has other ideas. She sets the gun to explode – preferring to kill all of them rather than allow Pike and Vina to leave as slaves.

We had not believed this possible. The customs and history of your race show a unique hatred of captivity. Even when it’s pleasant and benevolent, you prefer death. This makes you too violent and dangerous a species for our needs.

The Magistrate (Star Trek: The Original Series: The Menagerie)

I feel the need to call BS at this point. I find it hard to believe that any sapient species would enjoy captivity. Of course it is silly to make this point here as the diversity of the Star Trek universe had not yet been established.

Also it is pointed out how humans are uniquely adaptable – humans always right that about humans!

Number Nineteen: I Can’t Go With You

In the closing of the episode we find that Vina’s real body is actually damaged. Her appearance has been an illusion this whole time. Unfortunately the episode misses the mark a little here. Rather than it being stated that she can’t go to the Enterprise because she would be in constant pain what is focused on is her beauty. It is as if she can’t go because of how she looks. I read it though that she is in pain and even the technology of the Enterprise can’t give her as comfortable a life as she can have on this world.

Number Twenty: He Has an Illusion and You Have Reality.

Read that way it makes for a nice conclusion. Pike’s situation is a mirror to hers. Which would you rather? A fantasy world where you can live out anything you can imagine or being stuck in am ion long totally immobilised?

Number Twenty-One: There is no Commordor

Yes as the episode comes to an end it is revealed that the Commodore himself was an illusion. This is a part of the episode I do not like. The Enterprise was traveling for days and for the Telosians to be able to project quite so far seems to make than bit too powerful – just my opinion.

Number Twenty-Two: Conclusion

As stated in number twenty Pike beams down to the planet. Somehow Spock is able to get him to the transporter room in about five seconds!

Naturally the consequences of Spock’s actions are forgotten and there will be no death penalty. Obviously I do not want Spock to die but this whole plot point seems so silly. He would still be court martialled for illegally taking the ship.

I like this episode. The final creepy smile from the Keeper is marvellous.

Captain Pike has an illusion, and you have reality. May you find your way as pleasant

The Keeper (Star Trek: The Original Series: The Menagerie Part 2)

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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Seasons

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Seasons are weird here in the UK. At this time of year the weather flip flops between winter and spring. We had a warmer day on Sunday 2021-02-28 and now it is back to being cold again. This time three years (I think) ago we had snow – for Wales rather a lot of snow.

I may not like rain but I rather like snow. There is something nice, I almost want to say romantic, about walking through a field of snow – even if you are walking alone. At least that is true until it starts to melt.

Photo by Braeson Holland from Pexels

When it melts we are left with a slushy mess, like the picture above, meaning we have to pick our way through the path without slipping and falling! I remember it from those three years ago my walk home took rather longer trying to find my way.

ESA & MPS for OSIRIS Team MPS/UPD/LAM/IAA/RSSD/INTA/UPM/DASP/IDA, CC BY-SA 3.0 IGO

It is beginning to sound like I need to be living in a biodome on Mars isn’t it? What would that be like? To live without seasons. To live without weather.

Photo by Egor Kamelev from Pexels

My hands crack in winter too. There is something up with the skin. And when they crack they also bleed. This is not a good sign.

I am looking forward to summer. Despite what people often say we do have a summer here. I am sure it isn’t as warm, or as long, as somewhere like California but we do have it. Sometimes it is even warm enough to go out in shorts and a t-shirt – imagine that!

I am looking forward to the coming summer and being able to enjoy some nice weather. Last summer was all in lockdown so this one will hopeful be back to something a little more normal.

I hope you are all well and happy. I will see you again soon. Have a wonderful day.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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Rain

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I don’t know why rain would be the first thing that comes to my mind. Oh that’s right I live in Wales. As I start to write this it has been raining a lot today. (2021-02-21) I like rain about as much as Anakin Skywalker likes sand! Yes I know it is necessary for crops and all that but do we really have to have quite so much of it! Can it not just rain at night! That wouldn’t help since I am sometimes out at work rather late!

Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas from Pexels

When you have somewhere to be rain is a big annoyance. When you don’t you can look out at the crazy weather and be in awe – just how much rain can fit in the sky – so to speak!

Is there a lesson their somewhere? While I am trudging home in the poring rain cursing the universe someone else is admiring the storm.

You can see now why I don’t try and say anything profound on these posts.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/bicycle-lane-on-gray-concrete-road-210095/

I now have a thirty minute cycle to work. My previous bike died on moving day – it was a folding bike and a metal rod, part of the mechanism, snapped. So I have bought a shiny new bike. I have called it Defiant – not just because of the USS Defiant from DS9 “Tough little ship.” but as a reminder to myself that I am doing what I need to do at the moment and never mind what others might think.

I have discovered from this first week in this new flat, at my parent’s house, that things already feel better. Having someone to talk to after a day in work is invaluable and I need that. I, apparently, don’t do well on my own and I am only just starting to understand that but I am still not sure what to do with that information.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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Eyes

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In choosing the title for this blog post I really have no idea where it is going to go. Maybe that is half the fun of it. Aside from pictures, like the one above, I don’t know that I have ever looked closely at someone’s eyes.

If we were to draw a picture of eyes I think most of us would use just a block of colour but, as you can see, they are not actually like that. There are pools of colour and different shades. I wonder what the reason for that is or is it just one of those quirks of nature that don’t have much of a meaning. I could look into it (no pun intended) but somehow I am not sure I would understand the answer.

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Sometimes my eyes hurt. Maybe it is because of screens. Computer’s and mobiles are not good for the eyes. We may not think of it in in this way but we are essentially looking at light for most of the day. I keep telling myself I am going to shut down my devices and have less screen time before bed. It never happens! Why is it so hard to drag ourselves away. It is not like the thing we are doing won’t be there for us the next day.

I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile. Your life as it has been is over. From this time forward, you will service us.

Locutus (Star Trek: The Next Generation The Best of Both Words)

We are not the Borg the devices are not in our heads. (Somehow I want to say ‘Yet’ at this juncture.)We can walk away from the technology and do something else – but it is difficult. We can scroll for ever.

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A better alternative would be to read a book. Even that feels like a challenge. Do you get moments like that? You feel too tired to do something of substance but not tired enough to sleep.

Maybe it is a training thing. To develop better habits we have to, in the beginning, force ourselves to be better before it later becomes second nature to us.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/path-railroad-rails-straight-1425/

As I alluded to last time change is coming. I am moving further away from where I work this will mean a longer commute. The plus side of it is more exercise and reading time.

Photo by Life Of Pix from Pexels

She is going to read when she gets on the train – there is a small book in that bag!

A longer commute is a pain but reading time is never a bad thing! Now though it is time to talk about why I am moving and where I am going.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/brown-bear-leaning-on-bed-headboard-832999/

I am moving into a studio flat at my parent’s house. Basically they have converted the garage – it was already a room, with a toilet and sink, but now it will be a studio flat. I have lived alone for a long time and I have been finding it difficult for a while. Technically I will be still living alone but I will have family close at hand should I need it.

Part of me feels weird about doing this. It feels like a step backwards. On the other hand it may also be exactly what I need. In some ways I am not well – I may not have a diagnosis or piece of paper to prove that but I feel it – the anxiety and the spiral of hopelessness. For now this is what I need to do to be happier in life so this is what I am going to do. It is my hope that in time I will start to feel better again – it has been a long time since I felt completely ‘normal’.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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Judgement

When you’re in school there is this idea of keeping up appearances. And I am not talking about Mrs Bucket. I only have this from a male perspective but I am sure women experienced something similar. It is the idea that there are some things you are supposed to like and falling out side of that can make you feel ostracised.

Photo by Magda Ehlers from Pexels

Then into adulthood nobody cares. Mostly nobody cares – there is always someone. If you are introverted and you say you want spend your evening reading, sitting alone with a film, or playing Mario Kart someone will probably ask why you never want to have fun. The funny thing is I would look very silly if I said that to someone saying they were going to a party!

Photo by Maurício Mascaro from Pexels

However being introverted, I am declaring myself that, doesn’t mean I dislike all integrations. If it is a group talking about something I like it can be great fun.

Photo by Andrew Neel from Pexels

I do judge myself though. I fall into the same pattern every weekend. For my purposes a weekend is Sunday and Monday. I end up doing the same stuff and coming to the end of Monday feeling like I didn’t do enough. I also feel tired a lot of the time.

I am not saying this stuff to garner sympathy or anything. This blog is the public diary, for want of a better phrase, and what would a diary be without personal thoughts?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

The popular definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I must be a text book case of this. Self diagnosis is not the best is it?

This blog post has been (and will be) written over several days and mostly in short bursts. On today (2021-02-02) only this and the next paragraph will be written.

I have just spent an hour dealing with emails – I planned to spend at most 15 minutes – so why an hour? Because clearing emails is a job that can’t be done in one sitting so I come up with a way to say ‘That is enough.’ and clearly that way is stupid!

I have the bad habit of liking the plan because it is the plan and sticking with it even beyond the point of it proving ineffective!

These two paragraphs were written on the 3rd and thus the plan continues. Short bursts. I have said it before that I am doing this and that is the problem I am facing – I go around and around in circles and never seem to figure it out. I am 34 this year I should have figured this out by now.

Photo by Magda Ehlers from Pexels

Maybe there are some things we never figure out in life. One of the things I am discovering to be difficult is to manage on my own.

Photo by Christian Domingues from Pexels

In an ideal world I would get a dog. We don’t live in an ideal world. It would be unfair to expect a dog to be okay alone for 11 (ish) hours a day five days a week. However, without being too hyperbolic, I think having a dog would help me. On those days when getting up is difficult a dog would give me a reason to – and walking the dog in the park feels, somehow, better than just going for a walk by myself.

I remember a video from a while back of a woman and her dog. She was distressed and hitting herself but the dog was there to help. It stopped her, trying to move her hand aside, and find a way to comfort her. Dog seem to have unending compassion for their pack – and with humans we are the head of the pack. One day I hope to go to an animal shelter and see which of the dogs reacts to me – as my mother said ‘Let the dog adopt me.’

One day is a horrible phrase there is a suggestion in it that what we want may never happen.

And I come to the conclusion. There is a change in my life coming. It is one that I hope will make me feel better – less anxious – less lonely – and less depressed – but despite all I believe about judgment and allowing each individual to make their choices I find I cannot commit to tell you here. Maybe next time.

Be safe and be well.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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I Just Lost Thirty Minutes

As you know (a term a writer should never use) I like to keep track of what I am doing in a day. The idea is that I can look back at the end of the day (or week) and see where the time goes. Sometimes though when I switch between task I end up losing some time. And I don’t always know where that time went. I suppose I could add a category called ‘Procrastination’ to my list but that would be over the top even for me.

I think what happened was that I found something I didn’t feel like doing – then rather than just doing it I procrastinated till coming here to write this out. And the thing I was procrastinating about could have been done in that procrastination window!

Photo by Elina Krima from Pexels

“Are you my mummy?”

If you don’t know Doctor Who that is going to look weird! Also that episode came out more that 15 years ago! How time flies! (Another cliché a writer shouldn’t use!)

I am on the last day of my week of self-isolation. I have only left the boundaries of my flat to get a food delivery and that is it – and I haven’t even gone into the garden for some reason! So how has it been?

Not bad. I am rather introverted so staying indoors and not having to talk to anyone isn’t an issue for me – actually I rather like it. However I have not been as productive as I would have liked. Whenever I get a change in my situation it always takes time for me to get into the new swing of things – the full lockdown took even longer – and now after this week I feel today is probably going to be the one where I get it right. (The lost 30 minutes notwithstanding.)

Tomorrow though I am back to work. And that ‘routine’ should be easy to slip back into.

I daresay I have eaten too much this week. I had a Chinese takeaway the other day. A friend posted a picture of theirs and it looked so good I just needed one – and hay I am self-isolating so I can have one! It is not like I am truly breaking my own rules about takeaways! Okay so I am! I will have had more than I said I was going to do this month but it is a special situation. (I know the age old cry of the fat man!)

What was stupid though was the sandwich I bought. I had to have it delivered and it cost a silly amount. And I don’t know why I didn’t just pay for delivery of my regular weekly shop! It makes no sense. I then spend more at a supermarket that offers free delivery because they have a minimum order of £35. The long and short of it is I could have placed a small supermarket order, paid for delivery, and still payed about the same as the sandwich. So yeah that was stupid but oh well.

The Chinese meal was lovely. What wasn’t lovely was that it arrived 30 minutes late. But the customer support on the delivery app was excellent. I used the chat function and they contacted the restaurant – that was amazing since I don’t like phones at all.

All in all it was a good week. I would even say it was fun. I wish I was more disciplined, and sensible, but that is always a struggle (especially where food is concerned) but I did do 30 productive (ish) hours so I am putting it in the win column.

I hope you are safe and well and coping in these hard times.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

Leave a comment

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