The Ramble of a Confused Man

Have you ever felt like this when Googling symptoms?

The internet is a wonderful thing in many ways but it can also cause many issues. One of them is the problem of Googling to find out what is wrong with you.

Rachel: I don’t know! I think it’s kind of serious! Oh, you know… I was watching this thing on TV this morning about… Newcastle disease… and I think I might have it!!
Charlie: Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and… other poultry.

The One with the Soap Opera Party (Friends)

A person could spend half an hour googling and discover they have a disease thought to have been extinct, an appendix about to explode, and that they are pregnant. Which is especially concerning if they have already had their appendix removed and are male. The reality turns out to be that they drank too much alcohol and not enough water the night before.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/adult-care-cure-doctor-433635/

I had an idea for a science fiction story once. It was a world where doctors could simulate the patient’s condition in themselves. My reasoning behind this was that in doing so the doctor might be better able to prescribe the right medicine. After all we all conceptualise the universe differently. Even in a family you might disagree on if something is red or orange. When we used to play Uno with my grandmother she couldn’t see the difference between the green and the blue. More than that though mightn’t it be tricky to know what is a problem? The human body is going to hurt sometimes and we all have different pain tolerances. If a patient says the have pain in their arm there is really no way to know if that is something that will pass or indicative of something else.

Flanders and Swann (The Elephant)

In Star Trek they have the tricorder. I wish this thing existed in reality. I am not like the elephant in this song but it would still be great to have a doctor wave a device over me and know about all that was wrong mentally and physically – and how serious it all was? That technology is, at the moment, indistinguishable from magic as Clarke would say.

Photo by PhotoMIX Ltd. from Pexels

Sometimes googling symptoms might yield results. I think it can be a good first step but certainly not the last step. Until such time as we have magical scanning devices we just have to get by with how we feel and decided if we need further help.

I wanted to write this because I know there is something not quite right in my mind. I feel strange a lot of the time. I get upset over small things, I get stressed in situations that others can cope, I am slow where others are fast, I struggle where others do not. And none of this is to get sympathy, that is not what this is about, it is about the human condition.

Photo by samer daboul from Pexels

Fear and anxiety are the easiest emotion I can think of to explain what I an ineptly reaching for. Spiders don’t bother me at all. If I see one in my flat the most I would do is say: ‘Hi, Bert.’ Some people are terrified of them and it doesn’t matter if they know they are harmless. For myself I have difficulty with plans. When I go to work in the morning I will have an idea in my head of what I am doing that evening, even if it is just watching Netflix, and for me it is not such an easy choice if I am invited to the cinema after work – because I had plans.

That is the thing I really want to say from this rambling post. I think we all need to understand what others find difficult. I want to put an example here but I don’t want to offend or embarrass anyone. Some of my issues are weird even to me. Like feeling I shouldn’t have spent so much time on this post. Why? Because it wasn’t on the plan for today.

Maybe this post is too rambling. Maybe it doesn’t make all that much sense and it is just a bunch of words not in a good order. I don’t know. Sometimes things demand to be written. I needed to write it though and try, even if it only makes sense to me, to get somethings out of my brain and on to screen.

In closing I would just like to say I hope you are doing well with whatever fears and difficulties you are facing. And I am going to prove I leaned nothing from studying creative writing by ending on a cliche – ‘You’ve got this.’ Good luck to you, dear reader. Good luck too all of us.

***
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.  

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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Seven Random Thoughts because I Ran out of Time this Week

Cannot run out of time. There is infinite time. You are finite. Zathras is finite.

1. Infinity is a relative concept. This may not be true in a literal sense – I’m a writer not a philosopher. I was changing my mobile tariff today. It comes with unlimited text and unlimited calls. The data was not unlimited but since it is more than I have ever used in a month it might as well be.

2. A treat is only a treat if it is rare. I used to enjoy having a Chai latte when I came into town. Now so that I have been living in town for a while, and the coffee shop is fifteen minutes away, it has ceased to be special. It is probably why Cadbury’s, so the story goes, didn’t mind staff eating chocolate from their production line. They knew they would be tired of it sooner or later.

3. My leg has gone to sleep so I am writing this one between steps.

4. Brexit is a complete mess isn’t it? It is almost like watching an unfolding soap opera. Since I have foolishly brought up the subject I am on the side of remain. Hopefully we will have a conclusion one way or the other soon.

5. I am in the park and have found a rock to sit on. There are stones surrounding it and I am wondering how old this arrangement is. There is never a sign around when you want one.

6. The park is nice today. The sun is going down and the people are spread out so it is quiet. I like the quiet. The only thing that would make it better is if it was warmer. Maybe I am sitting too much in the shadows. I see a patch of sun. Let’s go and take a look.

7. I like summer and it feels like it is nearly here. I hope it is a good warm one. It will be nice to go to the park and the beach in glorious weather.

Blogging while walking is nice. It still feels relaxing even if I am holding a computer. I still have almost 2500 steps till I make my target so a bit more walking is in order. First though I am going to sit by those trees and schedule this post. See you next time.

***
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.  

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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Order and Chaos

Imposing your type of order…may prove difficult…

Odo (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine – The Search)

I like the idea of having order in my life. That idea never seems to come to fruition which is down to my complete in ability to organise. It is not for lack of trying.

Kat Jayne – Pexels

I impose order on myself with my to-do list. I have discussed this here many times. Having that helps me keep track of what I want. It is true that each day I get stuff done so in one respect it works. However my brain likes to be contrary and focus on what wasn’t done rather than what was.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/food-salad-healthy-red-35613/

I use the pomodoro technique – or a bastardisation of said technique. Some of the tasks don’t take the traditional 25 minutes so I tend to set the timer for longer and move between tasks. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to wake up one day without a timer and without a to-do list. To me it would feel like climbing without a safety harness.

I’d be lost at sea. Adrift

James Bond (Tomorrow Never Dies)

Duolingo, Calm, and Headspace would all be done. They all keep a record of your streak and have a definitive end point. The end point for a book is the end of the novel and I can’t sit and read for 20 hours in one day.

Order verse chaos. Choose one.

The Shadows (Babylon 5: Into The Fire)

In Babylon 5 the characters had to find there way between the two extremes of order and chaos. That is the struggle I am trying to deal with and have been for so long. With order things get done but I am locked into the plan. With chaos things may still get done but I do not have that feeling at the end of the day that I have done enough. In actuality I don’t have that feeling anyway as my targets are too high.

Photo by Min An from Pexels

They say ‘shoot for the moon’ and that if you miss you will still be amongst the stars. It is a colourful metaphor and aiming high is certainly good advice but I am going to leave you with some wise words.

I’m no writer, but if I were, it seems to me that I’d want to poke my head up once in a while and take a look around… see what’s going on.

Captain Sisko (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine – The Visitor)

The sad thing is it isn’t even writing that is engrossing me.

***
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.  

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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Assimilation

https://www.pexels.com/photo/access-adult-blur-business-261628/

A few days ago… well I say ‘a few days’ it might have been a week… actually more than a week… let me start again… I went out without my mobile!

https://www.pexels.com/photo/trees-grass-lawn-park-2336/

In today’s world this is a weird thing not to have this device with you. I would like to segue to another topic for a second if you’ll indulge me.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/cigar-cigarette-smoke-macro-70088/

Now and then, when I am out and about, a smoker will ask me if I have a lighter on me or a cigarette. I don’t smoke and I don’t often find the need to start a fire. What I find curious is that these people managed to forget either of these items. We often talk of technology as an addiction but it is not a literal one, at least not for most people, and yet I don’t think I have ever forgotten my phone. So I find it curious that someone with a literal addiction could forget. Then again it might not be a good comparison as I am someone who has to check his pockets, that the hob is off, that the fridge and freezer are shut, that the towel rack is off, and that the door is locked before leaving so I would be unlikely to miss anything.

Photo by Jiarong Deng from Pexels

Leaving the phone at home deliberately was an interesting experience. I realised how often I reach for it. Even while walking I will look at it just while waiting for the lights to change. I missed and didn’t miss it all at once. One thing that was weird about was not having it to take notes when an idea occurred to me. I have no idea what that idea was. I heard someone say recently that we are cyborgs – we just don’t have the tech inside us.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/adult-art-beautiful-beauty-235488/

Comic con was in town this weekend. I went along on Saturday. I discovered something interesting. This crowd of people didn’t bother me not like other crowds. Think I know why… these are my people.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/ball-shaped-circle-close-up-dark-414860/

In a place like comic con I am one of them. Normal might be too strong a word but I know that everyone in that place likes some element of fantasy or scifi. I’d also imagine that a lot of them have been teased or worse for those tastes. There is a sense of camaraderie.

In that place I can say I have a small fleet of model starships and not worry about a negative response. Were I able to start a conversation with a stranger the reaction would be positive. In that crowd I am still a short, overweight, long-haired man but everyone around me is fascinated by the same sorts of things that I am. For some reason I still care what others think even when I know they are probably not thinking them at all and when I ware my swagman hat then only thing that happens, and mostly it is nothing, is someone sings a few bars or the Indiana Jones theme!

***
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.  

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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February

https://www.pexels.com/photo/love-celebrate-valentine-happy-valentine-47396/

February ended three days ago. It already feels to me like this year is going quickly. They say that that is a common phenomenon as you get older. It has to do with a year and how it relates to a percentage of life. Which is why as children those 24 days of December always felt so long.

I made a quiet resolution to myself at the beginning of the year to try and do something significant every month – or to be more accurate 12 somethings over the course of a year. So far I can’t say that I have done that. I have switched back to using a note book and really using it and I think that that is going to help. Apps are not so good, in my opinion with helping with productivity. Too many times I find I need a feature it just doesn’t have – pen and paper can do it all.

Photo by Muffin from Pexels

I did have pizza the other day. That is, in a weird way, an achievement. You probably think I am clutching at straws, in a way I am, but let me tell you what I mean. I just wanted to go for a pizza and so I did. I made no attempt to justify it and I actually felt okay in a Pizza Hut alone.

Photo by Scott Webb from Pexels

That said I probably need to justify it given that I only went to the gym three times last month. I have no idea what is a reasonable amount of times to go; both in terms of getting my money’s worth and for it to be effective. It is certainly more that three though.

As I write this it is 0548 on Friday. I have an early shift today but I like the quite of this time of the morning. It makes me feel relaxed and getting to do something before work is a nice feeling indeed.

I hope you have all had an amazing day. See you next time.

***
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.  

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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Last Minute Blog Post is Last Minute.

I made it to the gym yesterday that is only the second time in February. If I could reliably go to the gym as often as I could reliably eat food that was bad for me I would look amazing – okay that i an exaggeration I still have a lot of limitations to work with.

I went to the gym at almost the last minute. In so far that I left about fifteen minutes before they closed. Yes. My gym actually closes. In this day and age that is unusual. To say I enjoy going to the gym would be an exaggeration but I did not not enjoy it. It was relatively quiet – which is more than I can say for the streets.

There was a rugby match on in Cardiff yesterday. My interest in rugby doesn’t extend beyond wanting to know if Wales won. So I had no idea that I was leaving my home at a time when I would encounter so many people – so I had to navigate around them.

I don’t like crowds. I have never liked them and when I am in a crowd situation I always feel uneasy. It might have something to do with the fact that the people in the crowd are often are often drunk and rowdy – or it might be that I am short and I feel like I am unnoticed and unimportant. That is why Napoleon did what he did – well actually not but history is written by the victors! I leaned that from a Klingon! Churchill may have said it too.

Some times on my weekend off I think of going out to a club. Which is crazy for me but I do. I think the idea comes from a desperate attempt to meet someone. The truth is though I have only enjoyed a club once. That was because of some special company. In all other instances I am an introvert – so meeting someone is a problem.

After the gym I had a kebab (which kind of renders the gym moot but let’s leave that alone) and ate it while watching The Man with the Golden Gun and washed down with some cider. And that was quite an enjoyable evening. Being alone is nice but I would like to be alone with someone. That may or may not be a contradiction.

I can’t say the same for today. I went to bed late and got up late. I was feeling discombobulated this morning. The only good thing about that is that I get to use the word discombobulated. It took me a while to get going and I had to tell my brain to shut up a few times.

I do have an almost Homer Simpson like relationship with my brain as he does with his. It is nearly 1500 now and I am sitting in Starbucks to type this. I am feeing a bit more myself. There is still plenty I want to do today so I better snap to it. I hope that you all have had a most amazing day.

***

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.  

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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In Search of a Title

https://www.pexels.com/photo/view-ape-thinking-primate-33535/

It is funny to me that the first thing that I am expected to write for a blog post is the title. Shouldn’t a title come at the end? The beginning for the reader but the end for the writer. As I write this I have no idea where it is going. And that is scary and exciting all at the same time.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/choices-decision-doors-doorway-277615/

While looking for inspiration I found this picture. Maybe it is just me but it feels like a good representation of my mind a lot of the time. The paralysis of indecision. What do I do? Which thing on my list?

A person’s life, their future, hinges on each of a thousand choices. Living is making choices!

Captain Picard (TNG: A Matter of Time)

On waking we have to decide if we are going to get out of bed or doze until we end up getting ready for work in a great rush! And when it comes to creativity we have to decide which project to work on.

Photo by James Wheeler from Pexels

I remember seeing an interview with Christopher Judge where he talked about writing. He said that the only way he could get his scripts written was to lock himself in a room until it was done.

Photo by Maria Pop from Pexels

And you can’t argue with the results. The SG-1 episode “The Warrior“, that Judge wrote, is an excellent story.

Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

I have spoken quite a bit about productivity on this blog. I have used paper, various apps, and a spreadsheet and all of them have flaws. In the final analysis maybe the thing to to is to just sit down and do it. Which is true but not very helpful.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/bookcase-chair-computer-contemporary-263209/

In other news I have just come to the end of a week off work. The flat is still a bit of a mess but I have got ride of a small army of plastic bags. So progress is being made. I hope that all your endeavours are going well.

***
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors. 

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

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