I had a week off a few weeks back. I had leave to take rather than going anywhere. I really should have gone somewhere – that is a different story of me having the planning capabilities of a gnat. Instead I was following my ridiculously detailed to-do list. I made a useful discovery though. I am trying to do more things than I have time for. In short my list would only work if the days were longer than 24 hours. I am moving to Bajor!
I have spoken many times about my attachment to my to-do list, my attempt to get things done, my feeling of never doing enough, and in general managing to stress out about stuff that only I care about. I discovered I was trying to do over twenty hours – a struggle on a week off – impossible on a normal week. Well maybe not impossible but you are forgetting my proclivity for procrastination – so much procrastination. Perhaps a more accurate statement would be that I suck at prioritising.
I didn’t just ineffectively follow my list. I say ineffectively because I never did get the feeling of a good thing done. What was the other thing I was doing? Binge watching Bones. That counts as productive, right? Right?
In other thoughts… These blog posts are always written over several sessions. It takes a while and doing otherwise might mean I didn’t do something else – things like meditation, my diary, and Duolingo. The apps I use keep track of progress and therefore I don’t want to miss a day. The problem is the ebb and flow of my metal state.
I may start a post on a bad day and thus the post is morose and unhappy. Then I come back to it on a good day and suddenly the hopelessness previously shown makes no sense. Meaning it is difficult to pick up where I left off.
It is like playing with Lego as a child. Perhaps you are building a space rocket and then mum tells you to go to bed before it is finished. When you wake up the next day you want to make a submarine. So you take apart the rocket but bed time happens before the sub is finished and the cycle goes on and on.
At the moment I am okay. I am not feeling the hopelessness I sometimes feel it is more of a resigned feeling. More Puddleglum – less Marvin the paranoid android. Are those two characters too similar for this example to work?
Here is a picture of a lion because Puddleglum is a character from the Chronicles of Narnia – and Pexels didn’t have a wardrobe in their collection.
And here is a beach because I like beaches and walking along one on holiday always has a calming effect. Whoever you are reading this now – thank you and I hope you are doing well.
And happy Star Wars day for yesterday.
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.
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