I am letting the words flow from me and trying to put something together here. It is funny but when I am at work ideas percolate in my mind but when I sit to type there ideas seem to evaporate.
I am always tired and a bit stiff on my days off. It is like my mind can’t relax completely and I am weighed down by my thoughts – there are just too many of them – and at the same time there are none of them!
It is now Tuesday.
So this post is late now – more that 24 hours after I planned – but how much does that matter?
Maybe a lot.
Maybe a little.
I appreciate everyone who reads this blog. Sometimes though I struggle to get content out at least to a strict weekly time line – and I am thinking would not a different approach be better?
Some people say it is better not to work to a schedule and timetable for content – rather it is better to only release content that is polished and is something to be proud of. I am thinking that that might be a better approach from now on – I can write when inspired and a new post will appear at some random time.
Maybe I am going through some stuff that I haven’t completely processed. I often feel confused in my own mind. Maybe that will be something for next time.
Thank you for reading my jumbled thoughts. I hope you are all doing well.
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.
Sometimes I get days where I just crash. I think a part of it is that my body knows that during the week I have to keep going – work demands nothing less – but when it comes to a day off and the stuff I am doing is just for me – well I can crash – or zonk as I prefer to call it.
The time is now 2029 and that is basically what has been happening for the last hour/hour and a half. It always seems to happen at a time that is too early to go to bed – what is more annoying I had around nine hours of sleep last night! They say sleep is magical – clearly there is not enough magic in my life.
I am doing okay at the moment. It is the only way I can describe my life. There have been some changes at my place of work that I was very much against – but it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be – in fact the changes may prove to make things better – my brain just has a tendency to jump to red alert with the slightest provocation. One day I will lean that a new way of doing things isn’t bad. At least I hope I will.
Oh and this week I think I managed to wake up without an alarm each day – but I am still tired – something isn’t working is it? See you next week.
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.
It is an often repeated cliche that in adulthood our rewards to ourselves are our punishments as children. I would hazard a guess that every child has said something of this sort:
“When I grow up I am going to eat fries everyday and stay up all night!”
Then you become a grown up and what do you want? A healthy dinner and an early night. I fail on both accounts!
I live within a literal stone’s throw from a kebab place, well maybe not me throwing since I have the athleticism of a dead weasel – certainly you wouldn’t need a trebuchet – maybe one of those dog ball things. Anyway getting that kind of food is very easy – and that is not even counting getting food delivered. Even when I cook I don’t tend to cook the food that is best for me.
And when it comes to going to bed on time… well that is bad too…
I never go to bed at a good time. Most nights I get six hours of sleep. This morning (Saturday) I have had coffee as I am feeling so tired. When I went to bed last night there was 6 hours and 59 minutes till my alarm would beep – apparently it was not enough time!
It is funny though that to be healthy we’re supposed to spend a third of our lives unconscious! I tend to view sleep as necessary evil! Going to bed when my to-do list still has stuff on feels…
Alright it is not entirely the to-do list! What tends to happen is that I get my stuff done until I feel too tired – then I meander around on line until I end up going to bed too late!
Of course sometimes the human body doesn’t know what it wants. On these days of six hours of sleep it is clear it is not enough – but then when I don’t have an alarm set I still tend to wake up after that amount of time! As happened today. (It is now Sunday.)
The key is self discipline, well duh, and being able to switch off and unplug. Which is always a hard thing to do. I think that living alone makes it harder. If you are sitting with a partner or housemate and both yawning one of you might suggest it is time for sleep. However sitting alone at the computer it is all too easy just to watch one more video…
I think too that there is something in the silence that is scary – which is odd because I also feel overwhelmed on the phone all day. So that is my challenge to try and switch off – I do not have high hopes. See you next week.
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.
Taxonomic nomenclature can be an interesting topic. I always assumed that a bat was was a rodent. After all they are small fury creatures and, aside from the wings, they do look kind of like mice. Now that I have started this blog post with that assertion I feel a bit silly making it in the first place but this is the one I am going with.
In one of my myriad of ideas, that may not pan out, was of a Rodent Federation. All these species are there and they perform various functions. Phillip Pullman had armoured bears – I want armoured Capybara!
The idea started life with a young woman discovering her pet guinea pig can talk. The guinea pig becomes her go between to a magical world. This was an idea that came to me when I was…younger. I say it that way because I honestly don’t remember how young.
If I ever finish that novel the guinea pig, Lenonn, will no longer feature – and yes he was named after a rather minor Babylon 5 character! That plot point didn’t really work for me. That sentence would be far more convincing if the novel in question was done – but no it is caught up in endless redrafting.
Nevertheless with writing very little is wasted. Ideas that can’t be used in one place can be slotted into another – and when researching you can find that the assumption you though you knew was wrong – so no bats are not rodents – the next question is what distinguishes a rodent from other mammals?
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.
I was going to tell you about a strange thing that happened to me this week – and then I wasn’t sure if I should tell you – or if I did what words to use. Maybe I will just say the tantalising headline: I was accused of cheating by a woman I wasn’t dating. That’s a new kind of weird!
Drafts are a part of the writing life and it can get so confusing. Sometimes I know I have written a particular part of the story but I don’t remember which draft it is in – and finding it takes longer than a simple rewrite would!
And in the age of the internet there is always the distraction of the phone. My phone is in front of me now. I keep checking it even though I know I don’t need to check it that often but I do. Turning off the tech is hard – we are always afraid of missing something – even if it will be missed only for a moment.
Is the lonely silence the reason for checking? I live alone and at the back of a house. I can’t even hear the road at the moment. So does the checking of messages make us feel less lonely? That could be it.
I have sometimes imagined that if I were to have a relationship my phone would be off – if the most important person is with you then who else do you need to talk to?
Now if you’ll excuse me I am going to spend money on a takeaway – even though I had pizza Friday night!
I will cook one of these days…honest.
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.
It is 0611 on Monday as I begin this post. Today is my day off but I woke up at 0500 and decided to just wake up. That is perhaps weird of me but I very rarely like the idea of having a lie in.
Monday is often seen as the beginning of the week, in my head it is the beginning of the week – my place of work says otherwise! As such it can feel like new possibilities can start. I can throw off the mistakes and the bad feelings of last week and begin again.
On my yesterday, and hopefully not on your yesterday, I had a takeaway (again) it was delicious but that isn’t the point. The point is that there is plenty of food in my fridge so why then would I eat out?
Ostensibly I am supposed to be dieting. That is obviously not working out – I am so frequently over my calories – why is it that the nicest foods are also the most unhealthy?
I eat sometimes because of tumultuous emotions. Unfortunately eating poorly makes me bigger, which makes me unhappy, which means I eat more – you can see the problem.
I think that bad feelings do have a way of fuelling themselves.
It is now (checking phone) Wednesday and I have about fifteen minutes before I should think about stopping doing stuff and getting ready for work! So I suppose I should come to the point.
Monday being the beginning of the week means, in the eyes of many, it is a good time to start a new thing. Oh course something new can start any day but human nature would suggest that Thursday, for example, would be an odd day for the start – I think of Thursday’s like Arthur Dent does.
The new thing I have begun is writing everyday – which is an ironic thing to say as I didn’t know that at 0611 when I started writing. Let me explain…
It is now Saturday. This post has obviously been written in little chunks but hopefully I will be able to wrestle it into some sort of order where was I? Ah yes writing…
Writing is very important to me. However I am not completely sold on the idea of calling it fun. I know I would greatly miss it if I didn’t do it – actually scratch that I cannot imagine not doing it – but it still has a vague ‘work’ feel to it.
Sometimes I don’t get around to it in a day. I get other stuff done instead, like housework, but the new plan is simple write first. Well almost first since my computer, Majal, takes a bit of time to boot so I have to at least wait for that.
My parents made me realise how important the slow build is. 500 words a day is all that is needed – I was wanting to do more and ended up doing less – little and often is the way of the future and I should have known that – and now I do.
And then it was Sunday….
Unfortunately I am less good at the ‘little’ part of that when it comes to food. Food is always tempting… he said as he grabbed a second bar of chocolate…oh well.
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.
In the television series Babylon 5 the major conflict is between order and chaos. I think that describes me to a tee – although I don’t blow up planets when things aren’t working out – not until the death ray is completed anyway.
If I am disordered I don’t know what I need to do. If I am too ordered there is little room for life.
Order has two meanings for me. The first is being controlled – having homes for everything and trying to make the place look like something other than a pigsty. Most people, I would imagine, still have a draw of chaos – I am just trying not to have a flat of chaos.
The other type of order is the order in which we do things. For example when getting home from work what is the first thing you do?
Do you make dinner first? Do you do some house work? Do you get on with your current project?
That project could be anything from working on a novel, practising the theremin, reading a book (not really a project but let’s go with it), knitting a scarf, painting the spare room or literally anything else in someway creative.
Odds are when you get home from work you are tired – so food might be in order – on the other hand if you get stuff done first then maybe dinner will taste all the nicer knowing that the evening is yours!
I wish I could sit here and give you a one size fits all solution. I want to tell you a way to be a productivity master!
There is no such animal.
I know, deep in my brain, that all we can do is our best. Unfortunately that doesn’t help me to say well done (to myself) and try to reassure myself I have done enough. I am never that kind to myself.
I am writing this at 1752 and I am yawing – since it is my day off I could stop doing stuff now and relax but that isn’t going to happen.
This whole thing of organisation is very well trodden ground on this blog. My head is in a spin always trying to be better. I don’t know that I will ever find that way.
I went to the bad place yesterday. I ordered fish and chips – despite the fact that I wasn’t all that hungry and I had already used my calories. And I don’t know what annoys me more – the fact that I did it or the fact that it helped and I felt better after some comfort food. In any event I have to make sure that that doesn’t become a regular thing. The next question is what is tonight’s dinner going to be?
I hope you are all doing well. If you are troubled with hard emotions I wish you all the best with the battle! See you next time.
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.
Apparently I have started a new tradition here of one word titles. I rather like the simplicity of them. It also prevents me from having to be creative!
It is my brother’s birthday – or at least it is the day we are celebrating! We are going out for a meal at a place not yet confirmed and eating in a way not yet confirmed.
Well we’re not going to be batting food at each other and catching it like seals! There will be a table and probably cutlery – but with social distancing rules we can’t just go to a restaurant like normal.
So, yes, my brother is another year older – and in about a month so will I be – now there is a scary thought!
Just a short one today. It is 1003 for me and I need to leave in 25 minutes so I better get going. See you next time.
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.
Now that I live in a ground floor flat I can have a bike again. I have missed having a bike. It is so convenient to be able to have a faster way of getting around than walking. I wanted to buy from an actual shop – but I ended up ordering one from the internet… now why is that?
Well I have already spoiled it in the title haven’t I? I wanted a bike right away and the shops I went to were telling me it was going to be a couple of weeks – from the internet it was going to be three days – I believe it was actually two.
We often see the idea of supporting smaller businesses instead of the big ones. However there is a reason the big ones are big. They can do things more swiftly.
Now it needs a name…
This is not a knock against small shops. On the contrary I like the idea of having local places – a shop or restaurant only exists in one place. However there are times when we need (or want) something now!
The bike I bought is by no means the dream bike. I like it though and for the price if it lasts for a year it will have been worth it.
Look at the trick it can do…
The dream bike, at least at time of writing, would be a Brompton. It too is a folding bike but at five times the price – but hopefully at five times the quality. Saving for such a bike would take a very long time. For now though this is my bike and it will certainly do the job of being my commuting vehicle.
I hope you are all well and I will see you next time.
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.
I spend a lot of time overthinking. This is a rather exhausting and futile experience. Sometimes I even worry about things that have reached their conclusion! That is a special kind of stupid!
The other day a thought occurred to me…I was worried about missing my flight home…from a trip I took in March! I am home and in my normal life I never go more than a few kilometres from home – and yet here was the thought. Why?
It got me thinking do other people think this way? I have heard stories of people waking up from a dream about a looming homework deadline. They are worried for a few moments and then…. they realise they are 32, the deadline was nearly twenty years ago and they handed it in on time anyway!
The funny thing about the mind is that we each only have our own. As such when we conceptualise an idea we don’t know if that is a common way of looking at the world or not. And if our thoughts are more on the unique side it may be difficult for others to understand.
I, for example, don’t like phones. I’m fine with calling a family member but when it comes to a company I worry. I worry about not having all necessary information to hand, being misunderstood, or not being able to say no to an offer of extended warranty!
Then again, as I said above, I worry about all manner of silliness. I sometimes worry if I am, in general, liked.
This is not a rock I want to look under. We all know people who we just don’t like very much. We are probably that person for someone too. I know what some of my bad qualities are and I am not sure how to deal with them and I know I don’t want to talk about them.
We can’t read other people’s minds (thankfully) all we can do is accept when someone tells us something is difficult for them. Of course telling someone else about our own difficulties is another matter entirely.
One of my idiosyncrasies is I don’t like odd angles. Not to excess, thankfully, but if I was playing a board game I would want the game board to be parallel to the table and not at an angle – I am better than I was.
What are some of your idiosyncrasies?
I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.
Unstable Orbit 