Tag Archives: Mental Health

Did you ever see that Simpsons episode where Mr Burns goes to the doctor? In brief, for those that haven’t, the doctor concludes that he has everything. The episode is called ‘The Mansion Family’.

I bring this up because in the age of the internet, he said like it was invented last Thursday, it is very easy to believe you have everything.

For me the ‘everything’ is connected with my mental health. I know that there is something going on in my brain. I can’t put my finger on what it is. Like Mr Burns I wish I could be tested for everything.

Having a label for something is invaluable. If you know what’s wrong you can seek help. Without knowing it is far more difficult.

When I look up symptoms, or just see someone talking about their lived experience, it is very easy to think that you too have the same thing.

I am deliberately keeping my wording vague. It would be disingenuous of me to give myself a label that I don’t know I have. I know something is wrong. I know that, sometimes, I react to things in an odd way. Sometimes the day-to-day is hard to deal with.

The funny thing is that I feel I would do well in a crisis. For the purposes of this example I am assuming the crisis doesn’t involve swimming, public speaking, wasps, eating courgettes, being alone, being in a group, or having to watch the Star Wars squeals.

Perhaps I am being arrogant. It is just a theory. (That phrase is never going to be usable again is it?)

I operate under the delusion of control. I set myself a to-do list. (It drives me mad but that is a separate issue) So I know what it is that needs to be done. The idea is that when I have completed the list my life will be on track. The thing is it is never done. If, by some miracle, I manage to get on top of things I then start to think of the little jobs that don’t get regular attention.

If I was in a crisis that illusion would be gone. You can’t worry about housework if said house is one fire! The only priority is getting everyone out. I wonder if there a way to trick my brain into coping with life?

This post was inspired by this video.

I hope you are doing well. Thank you for reading my blog.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/SDuKYJBkJm

In choosing the title for this blog post I really have no idea where it is going to go. Maybe that is half the fun of it. Aside from pictures, like the one above, I don’t know that I have ever looked closely at someone’s eyes.

If we were to draw a picture of eyes I think most of us would use just a block of colour but, as you can see, they are not actually like that. There are pools of colour and different shades. I wonder what the reason for that is or is it just one of those quirks of nature that don’t have much of a meaning. I could look into it (no pun intended) but somehow I am not sure I would understand the answer.

Sometimes my eyes hurt. Maybe it is because of screens. Computer’s and mobiles are not good for the eyes. We may not think of it in in this way but we are essentially looking at light for most of the day. I keep telling myself I am going to shut down my devices and have less screen time before bed. It never happens! Why is it so hard to drag ourselves away. It is not like the thing we are doing won’t be there for us the next day.

I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile. Your life as it has been is over. From this time forward, you will service us.

Locutus (Star Trek: The Next Generation The Best of Both Words)

We are not the Borg the devices are not in our heads. (Somehow I want to say ‘Yet’ at this juncture.)We can walk away from the technology and do something else – but it is difficult. We can scroll for ever.

A better alternative would be to read a book. Even that feels like a challenge. Do you get moments like that? You feel too tired to do something of substance but not tired enough to sleep.

Maybe it is a training thing. To develop better habits we have to, in the beginning, force ourselves to be better before it later becomes second nature to us.

As I alluded to last time change is coming. I am moving further away from where I work this will mean a longer commute. The plus side of it is more exercise and reading time.

She is going to read when she gets on the train – there is a small book in that bag!

A longer commute is a pain but reading time is never a bad thing! Now though it is time to talk about why I am moving and where I am going.

I am moving into a studio flat at my parent’s house. Basically they have converted the garage – it was already a room, with a toilet and sink, but now it will be a studio flat. I have lived alone for a long time and I have been finding it difficult for a while. Technically I will be still living alone but I will have family close at hand should I need it.

Part of me feels weird about doing this. It feels like a step backwards. On the other hand it may also be exactly what I need. In some ways I am not well – I may not have a diagnosis or piece of paper to prove that but I feel it – the anxiety and the spiral of hopelessness. For now this is what I need to do to be happier in life so this is what I am going to do. It is my hope that in time I will start to feel better again – it has been a long time since I felt completely ‘normal’.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit

It is Monday.

I am letting the words flow from me and trying to put something together here. It is funny but when I am at work ideas percolate in my mind but when I sit to type there ideas seem to evaporate.

I am always tired and a bit stiff on my days off. It is like my mind can’t relax completely and I am weighed down by my thoughts – there are just too many of them – and at the same time there are none of them!

It is now Tuesday.

So this post is late now – more that 24 hours after I planned – but how much does that matter?

Maybe a lot.

Maybe a little.

I appreciate everyone who reads this blog. Sometimes though I struggle to get content out at least to a strict weekly time line – and I am thinking would not a different approach be better?

Some people say it is better not to work to a schedule and timetable for content – rather it is better to only release content that is polished and is something to be proud of. I am thinking that that might be a better approach from now on – I can write when inspired and a new post will appear at some random time.

Maybe I am going through some stuff that I haven’t completely processed. I often feel confused in my own mind. Maybe that will be something for next time.

Thank you for reading my jumbled thoughts. I hope you are all doing well.

I just wanted to say that I have checked this post. I really have. Unfortunately my particular combination of dyslexia and dyspraxia makes it really hard for me to spot typos. Please enjoy and I’ll try not to make too many errors.

I have a Patreon page. I hope you will consider supporting this blog: https://www.patreon.com/unstableorbit